I have never been the skinny pregnant lady. When I get pregnant my body just has to see food and it's like OOOOOH I need to store some fat in my thighs! Seriously! I know this about myself. I know my body. I know that when I'm pregnant I look puffy. You want to know how I know? Check this out... (I'm not going to take the time to make sure all the pics are the same width... sorry if this bugs you, but I have a birthday cake to bake after I finish typing this)
Yup... I was small once. This was me in 2001 (pre marriage)
This is me with Dave. He is 6'4 and here he weighed 155... he could fit in MY jeans... they were snug of course, but still. ha. Anyway, just more proof that hey, I was small once.
Then I got pregnant with Lindsey. This is me at like 32 weeks with Lindsey in belly.
Then this is me after giving birth to my baby girl... nice and full of swelling and saline. Lovely.
Then along comes Brendan. Here, I am 26 weeks pregnant.
Then at 32 weeks after quite a few smores and hot dogs ;)
AND here I am 39.6 weeks pregnant, ready for the big show... ready for Brendan to light up my life.
And here I am with Lindsey... Brendan is probably about 9 months old or so... and I have only managed to get down to 155 lbs. Please keep in mind, I am 5'1... While 155 lbs may seem like a WONDERFUL weight to be at for someone a few inches taller than me, for my height it is just chubby. (AND GOSH, if you are my height and in this weight range and are happy with your weight, then PLEASE keep being happy about it, this is my body image I am discussing)
A couple years later and a change of diet I managed to get down to this... While not my smallest, it was still an accomplishment.
I don't delude myself into thinking anything other than what is real. I don't think I am ugly. I don't think I am morbidly obese. I am pregnant. I don't need a news flash to tell me that being pregnant means weight gain. Pregnant or not, putting on weight is stressful to me! I think because my track record has shown losing weight to be a pretty difficult thing to do!
Yes, I realize I am pregnant! Yes, I realize I am NOT FAT! I am not over here depressed and wallowing about my weight either, but it is in the forefront of my mind because if you'll remember, I never wanted to be pregnant in the first place. ha. For very selfish reasons too. HEY! I'm just being honest here! I had ended my pregnancy with Brendan at 179 lbs, I was only able to shed 24 lbs of that. After overhauling the way I ate FINALLY I had gone from 155 lbs to 128 lbs over the course of about a year... I gained 7 lbs back shortly before I got pregnant with this one, but still, even at 135 lbs I was at one of the lowest weights I had been at since before getting pregnant with Brendan. I didn't want to put this weight back on! I was also happy with my 2 kiddos. I felt like our family was complete.
ALL OF THAT BEING SAID! I just want to be able to vent my weight frustrations without people getting upset with me. I'm not putting myself down, I'm just SAYIN'... and I try to keep it light hearted and funny, and not so serious... case in point... my facebook status a couple hours ago read...
I want to be able to acknowledge that I am looking a little fluffy, without people trying to tell me that I am all belly or that I don't look like I have gained anything... because you know what? That isn't the truth. The truth may be that you think pregnancy suits me, or that I look great, or that I'm a cute preggo... that's fine, I'll say thank you and move on. :) I don't need sunshine blown up my you know where. I'm putting on weight... am I depressed? no. It's just what I do when I'm pregnant...
I guess I am just hoping you can see it how I see it. Yes, I am happy to be having Avery... I can't wait to meet her. Yes, I am ok with being pregnant and even enjoying it at times. YET... even with that, I am still stuck here undoing all of my hard work waiting as pound by pound, all that weight comes back on... and I just have to cross my fingers that I can find the motivation and the where with all to lose it after Avery is here.
Maybe this is something I will always be alone in. I don't expect people who have never been pregnant to understand... and I am finding that even some women who have been pregnant won't ever understand... but this is me. I'm not hunting for sympathy, or a thick candy shell... I'm just calling it how I see it. I really am sorry if it upsets anyone. I really am, but maybe this blog post will help you understand better... ok. I think I'll save the pie post for later.
If you read this whole thing Kudos to you! I might send you a prize! No promises, I'm a busy girl lately. ha.