Monday, December 10, 2018

One Day to the Next.

Hi everyone,  It's been a couple of months, so here I am again.  Someone told me recently that whining on my blog doesn't help me...  Funny how people will act like they know what is helpful or harmful when they haven't walked a day in my shoes.  On the contrary, I find that typing out my thoughts is a good way for me to process and deal. I have always felt that way.  Even before "The Great Personal Disaster of 2017."  I'm sure many of you agree.  If not, *shrug*, oh well.  I think I'm doing pretty good to have only blogged three (now 4) times in almost 2 years about all of this (laugh with me... or not, ha).

Things are okay.  I mean, I am not without issues, concerns, complaints, sadness, stress, etc., but then again, when are we ever completely without any of that?  I have things that are difficult to deal with right now relationally with friends and the like, but it's all okay.  It's okay.  At least that is what I tell myself, because I know that what is bugging me right now will not be what is bugging me in a couple months.  The seasons of life, and stuff.

I'm finding myself more and more content with my life.  This world of mine goes round on an axis of my kids, work, family and friends.  I am fulfilled.  I am finding this past couple of weeks that God is still there with me.  I am finding bright rays of golden sunshine in the midst of some cloudy days here and there.  I would even say that I have been happy more days than not.

As far as the divorce, "he" doesn't hurt me anymore.  I touched on this in my last post, but the hurt I experience lately has been from trying to move on, the complications of testing the dating waters, the difficulty of balancing the two worlds that my kids find themselves torn between, and all the mistakes and blunders that I make along the way.  I often feel like my mistakes are far worse than anyone else's, and that is the source of a lot of my sadness, frustration, and anxiety. I'm trying to not shoulder too heavy of a load, but it's a default of my character.  I also shoulder way too much responsibility for the feelings of others.  Something else I have to get better at not making my burden too heavy.

While this is all seeming like a focus on the negative, it really is okay.  I'm doing alright.

With all of that said, the rest is "to be continued..."  I'm doing okay.

Until next time.